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lesson3

使用暴力

Lesson Three The Use of Force

他們是我的新病人，我所知道的只有名字，奧爾遜。

They were new patients to me， all I had was the name， Olson.

請您盡快趕來，我女兒病得很重。

“Please come down as soon as you can， my daughter is very sick.”

當我到達時，孩子的母親迎接了我，這是一位看上去驚恐不安的婦人，衣著整潔卻一臉憂傷的神色她只是說，這位就是醫生嗎？

When I arrived I was met by the mother， a big startled looking woman， very clean and apologetic who merely said， Is this the doctor？

然后帶我進了屋。

And let me in.

在后面，她又說到，請你一定要原諒我們，醫生，我們讓她呆在廚房里，那兒暖和，這里有時很潮濕。

In the back， she added. You must excuse us， doctor， we have her in the kitchen where it is warm. It is very damp here sometimes.

在廚房的桌子旁邊，這個孩子穿得嚴嚴實實的，坐在她父親的腿上。

The child was fully dressed and sitting on here father's lap near the kitchen table.

他父親試圖站起來，但我向他示意不用麻煩，然后我脫下外套開始檢查。

He tried to get up， but I motioned for him not to bother， took off my overcoat and started to look things over.

我能夠覺察出他們都很緊張，而且用懷疑的眼光上下打量著我。

I could see that they were all very nervous， eyeing me up and down distrustfully.

在這種情形下，他們通常不會提供太多的情況，而是等著我告訴他們病情，這就是為什么他們會在我身上花3美元。

As often， in such cases， they weren't telling me more than they had to， it was up to me to tell them； that's why they were spending three dollars on me.

這個孩子用她那冷漠而鎮定的目光目不轉睛地盯著我，臉上沒有任何表情。

The child was fairly eating me up with her cold， steady eyes， and no expression on her face whatever.

她紋絲不動，內心似乎很平靜。這是一個非常惹人喜愛的小東西，外表長得象小牛一樣結實。

She did not move and seemed， inwardly， quiet； an unusually attractive little thing， and as strong as a heifer in appearance.

但是她的臉發紅，而且呼吸急促，我知道她在發著高燒。

But her face was flushed， she was breathing rapidly， and I realized that she had a high fever.

她長著一頭漂亮濃密的金發，就像刊登在廣告插頁上和周日報紙圖片版上的那些孩子一樣。

She had magnificent blonde hair， in profusion. One of those picture children often reproduced in advertising leaflets and the photogravure sections of the Sunday papers.

她發燒已經3天了，她父親開口說，我們不知道是什么原因。

She's had a fever for three days， began the father and we don't know what it comes from.

我太太給她吃了一些藥，你知道，大家都是這樣做的，可這些藥根本不管用，而且，附近有很多人都生了病，所以我們想請您最好給她檢查一下，然后告訴我們是怎么一回事。

My wife has given her things， you know， like people do， but it don't do no good. And there's been a lot of sickness around. So we tho't you'd better look her over and tell us what is the matter.

像醫生們經常做的那樣，我問了個問題，想以此來猜測一下病癥所在。

As doctors often do I took a trial shot at it as a point of departure. Has she had a sore throat？

父母兩人一起回答說，沒有……沒有，她說她的嗓子不疼。

Both parents answered me together， No…No， she says her throat don't hurt her.

你嗓子疼嗎？母親又問了一下孩子。

Does your throat hurt you？ Added the mother to the child.

女孩的表情沒有任何變化，而她的目光卻一直沒有從我的臉上移開。

But the little girl's expression didn't change nor did she move her eyes from my face.

你看過她的嗓子了嗎？

Have you looked？

我想看，孩子的母親說，但看不見。

I tried to， said the mother but II couldn't see.

這個月碰巧她上學的那個學校已經有好幾例白喉病。雖然到目前為止沒有人說出這件事，但很顯然，我們心里都想到了。

As it happens we had been having a number of cases of diphtheria in the school to which this child went during that month and we were all， quite apparently， thinking of that， though no one had as yet spoken of the thing.

好了，我說，我們先看看嗓子吧。

Well， I said， suppose we take a look at the throat first.

我以醫生特有的職業方式微笑著，叫著孩子的名字。我說，來吧，瑪蒂爾達，張開嘴，讓我看一下你的嗓子。

I smiled in my best professional manner and asking for the child's first name I said， come on， Mathilda， open your mouth and let's take a look at your throat.

沒有任何反應。

Nothing doing.

哦，來吧，我勸道，張大你的嘴，讓我看看。看，我說著把兩只手伸開，我的手里沒有東西，張大嘴，讓我看看。

Aw， come on， I coaxed， just open your mouth wide and let me take a look. Look， I said opening both hands wide， I haven't anything in my hands. Just open up and let me see.

他是一個多好的人呀，她的母親插話道。你看他對你多好呀，來，聽話。他不會傷害你的。

Such a nice man， put in the mother. Look how kind he is to you. Come on， do what he tells you to. He won't hurt you.

聽到這里我狠狠地咬了咬牙，要是他們沒用“傷害”這個詞，我也許能做點什么，但是我沒有著急或惱怒，而是慢聲細語地說著話，一邊再次靠近這個孩子。

As that I ground my teeth in disgust. If only they wouldn't use the word “hurt” I might be able to get somewhere. But I did not allow myself to be hurried or disturbed but speaking quietly and slowly I approached the child again.

我剛將椅子拉近一點，突然，她像貓一樣雙手本能地朝我的兩眼抓去，我差一點被她抓到。

As I moved my chair a little nearer suddenly with one catlike movement both her hands clawed instinctively for my eyes and she almost reached them too.

好在她只是打掉了我的眼鏡，雖然眼鏡沒有碎，但已落到了離我幾英尺遠的廚房地板上。

In fact she knocked my glasses flying and they fell， though unbroken， several feet away from me on the kitchen floor.

父母兩人都非常尷尬，充滿歉意，你這個壞孩子，母親一邊說，一邊抓著她，并搖晃著她的一只手，你看看你做的事。這么一個好人。

Both the mother and father almost turned themselves inside out in embarrassment and apology. You bad girl， said the mother， taking her and shaking here by one arm. Look what you've done. The nice man…

看在上帝的份上，我打斷了她的話，請不要再在她面前說我是一個好人。

For heaven's sake， I broke in. Don't call me a nice man to her.

我來是看看她的嗓子，也許她患了白喉，而且很可能會死于這種病。

I'm here to look at her throat on the chance that she might have diphtheria and possibly die of it.

但這一切她都不在乎，看這兒，我對女孩說，我們想看看你的嗓子，你不小了，應該明白我說的話，你是自己張開嘴呢，還是我們幫你張開？

But that's nothing to her. Look here， I said to the child， we're going to look at your throat. You're old enough to understand what I'm saying. Will you open it now by yourself or shall we have to open it for you？

她仍然一動不動，甚至連表情都沒有任何變化。

Not a move. Even her expression hadn't changed.

但是她的呼吸卻越來越急促。

Her breaths， however， were coming faster and faster.

接著一場戰役開始了，我不得不這樣做。

Then the battle began. I had to do it.

由于她的自我保護，我必須檢查一下她的嗓子。

I had to have a throat culture for her own protection.

可是我首先告訴家長這完全取決于他們。

But first I told the parents that it was entirely up to them.

我說明了其危險性，但同時提出只要他們承擔責任我就不會堅持做這次喉嚨檢查。

I explained the danger but said that I would not insist on a throat examination so long as they would take the responsibility.

如果你不按大夫說的去做，你就要去醫院了，母親嚴厲地警告她。

If you don't do what the doctor says you'll have to go to the hospital， the mother admonished her severely.

是嗎？我只好暗自笑了笑。畢竟我已經喜歡上了這個野蠻的小東西，但卻看不起這對父母。

Oh yeah？ I had to smile to myself. After all， I had already fallen in love with the savage brat， the parents were contemptible to me.

在接下來的“戰斗”中他們越來越難堪，被摧垮了，直至精疲力竭。而這個女孩由于恐懼，她對我的抗拒達到了驚人的地步。

In the ensuing struggle they grew more and more abject， crushed， exhausted while she surely rose to magnificent heights of insane fury of effort bred of her terror of me.

父親盡了最大的努力，他塊頭很大，然而事實上他面對著的是他的女兒，由于對她的所作所為感到愧疚和擔心傷到她，他每次在我幾乎就要成功了的關鍵時刻放開了她，我真恨不得殺了他。

The father tried his best， and he was a big man but the fact that she was his daughter， his shame at her behavior and his dread of hurting her made him release her just at the critical times when I had almost achieved success， till I wanted to kill him.

可是，因為又擔心她真會患上白喉，盡管他自己就快昏到了，他又告訴我繼續，繼續，而她的母親在我們的身后走來走去，憂愁萬分地抖著雙手。

But his dread also that she might have diphtheria made him tell me to go on， go on though he himself was almost fainting， while the mother moved back and forth behind us raising and lowering her hands in an agony of apprehension.

把她放在你的大腿上，我命令道，抓住她的兩個手腕。

Put her in front of you on your lap， I ordered， and hold both her wrists.

然而他剛一動手，女孩就尖叫了一聲。

But as soon as he did the child let out a scream.

別這樣，你會弄疼我的。

Don't， you're hurting me.

放開我的手，放手，我告訴你。

Let go of my hands. Let them go I tell you.

接著她發出可怕的歇斯底里的尖叫，住手！住手！你會弄死我的！

Then she shrieked terrifyingly， hysterically. Stop it！ Stop it！ You're killing me！

你覺得她受得了嗎？醫生！她母親說。

Do you think she can stand it， doctor！ Said the mother.

你出去，丈夫對他的妻子說，你想讓她死于白喉嗎？

You get out， said the hu******************and to his wife. Do you want her to die of diphtheria？

來吧，抓住她，我說道。

Come on now， hold her， I said.

接著我用左手掰住女孩的頭，并試圖將木制的壓舌板伸進她的嘴里。

Then I grasped the child's head with my left hand and tried to get the wooden tongue depressor between her teeth.

她緊咬著牙絕望地反抗著！

She fought， with clenched teeth， desperately！

而此時我也變得狂怒了——對一個孩子。

But now I also had grown furious-at a child.

我試圖讓自己不要發脾氣，但卻做不到，我知道怎樣去檢查她的嗓子。

I tried to hold myself down but I couldn't. I know how to expose a throat for inspection.

我盡了最大的努力。當我終于把木制的壓舌板伸到最后一排牙齒的后面時，她張開了嘴，然而只是一瞬間，我還來不及看她又把嘴閉上了，沒等我把它取出來，她的臼齒已經緊緊咬住了壓舌板，并把壓舌板咬成了碎片。

And I did my best. When finally I got the wooden spatula behind the last teeth and just the point of it into the mouth cavity， she opened up for an instant but before I could see anything she came down again and gripped the wooden blade between her molars. She reduces it to splinters before I could get it out again.

你不害臊嗎？媽媽朝她大聲訓斥道。你在大夫面前這樣不覺得害臊嗎？

Aren't you ashamed， the mother yelled at her. Aren't you ashamed to act like that in front of the doctor？

給我拿一把平柄的勺子什么的，我對母親說。

Get me a smooth-handled spoon of some sort， I told the mother.

我們還要接著做下去。

We're going through with this.

孩子的嘴已經流血了。

The child's mouth was already bleeding.

她的舌頭破了，還在歇斯底里地大叫著。

Her tongue was cut and she was screaming in wild hysterical shrieks.

也許我應該停下來，過一個多小時再回來無疑這樣會好一些。

Perhaps I should have desisted and come back in an hour or more. No doubt it would have been better.

但我已經看到至少兩個孩子因為這種情況而被疏忽了，躺在床上死去，我感到我必須現在進行診斷，否則就再沒有機會了。

But I have seen at least two children lying dead in bed of neglect in such cases， and feeling that I must get a diagnosis now or never I went at it again.

然而最糟糕的是，我也失去了理智，我本可以在盛怒之下將女孩的嘴扒開來享受其中的快樂，向她發起進攻真是一件樂事，我的臉也因此而發熱。

But the worst of it was that I too had got beyond reason. I could have torn the child apart in my own fury and enjoyed it. It was a pleasure to attack her， my face was burning with it.

在這種時候，誰都會叮嚀自己，無論這個可惡的小鬼做出任何愚蠢的舉動，也要違背她的意愿來保護她。

The damned little brat must be protected against her own idiocy， one says to one's self at such times.

這樣做也是為了保護其他孩子，同時這也是一種社會需要，事實也確是如此。

Others must be protected against her. It is a social necessity. And all these things are true.

然而由于釋放體內能量的欲望而產生的一種盲目的無法控制的狂怒和一種成年人的羞恥感，使我一直堅持到最后。

But a blind fury，a feeling of adult shame， bred of a longing for muscular release are the operatives. One goes on to the end.

在最后失去理性的“戰斗”中，我控制了女孩的脖子和下巴，我強行將沉重的銀勺從她的牙后面伸到嗓子直到她作嘔。

In the final unreasoning assault I overpowered the child's neck any jaws. I forced the heavy silver spoon back of her teeth and down her throat till she gagged.

果然，兩個扁桃體上有著一層膜狀物。她勇敢地反抗就是為了不讓我發現她的這個秘密，她至少隱瞞了3天嗓子疼，并對父母撒謊，都是為了逃避這樣一個結果。

And there it was – both tonsils covered with membrane. She had fought valiantly to keep me from knowing her secret. She had been hiding that sore throat for three days at least and lying to her parents in order to escape just such an outcome as this.

現在，她真的狂怒了，在這以前她一直處于守勢，但是現在她開始進攻了。

Now truly she was furious. She had been on the defensive before but now she attacked， Tried to get off her father's lap and fly at me while tears of defeat blinded her eye.